i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
