Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
