Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
