you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
