you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You ate ashes out of my bong
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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