Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
