Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
