Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
