Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
