I smell stomach acid.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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