Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
