I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
