omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
