He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
