I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
