Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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