it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
