I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
