I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
