take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
