that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
