OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
