Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
