It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
