i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
