i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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