party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
