I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My cat gives me a boner
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
