you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
