i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
