I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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