some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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