My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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