super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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