So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
