I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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