Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
