im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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