Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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