He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
