your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
