I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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