i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
