I think i sorta joined a cult last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize