I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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