I've blown a few things in my day
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
