Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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