Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
