How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
