So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
