I puked a lego.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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