Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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