I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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