well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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