I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
