today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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