So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
