ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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