I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
