Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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