apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
