I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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