YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
