They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
