You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot