I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site