who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.