Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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