if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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