Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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