the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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