your parents love me but you hate me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
