What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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