I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
