I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
