You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
