The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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