Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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