remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
