Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
