Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
