Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
that is very illegal...i love you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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