It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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