I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
