The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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