I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
